Our Final Hours
by Akina Kimura
Summary: Matt and Mello both know that they're diving headfirst into a suicide mission; death is inevitable. The clock is ticking; what will they say to each other before the timer hits zero? Very minor language, shonen-ai.


It's been quite a while since i've posted anything, so here you go. I only spent a few days on this one, so it's probably not gonna be great xD aw well, enjoy anways ;P

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><p>I gazed forlornly across the room at the boy sitting cross-legged on the couch with a game console clenched firmly in his grip, his eyes glued to the screen as the emanating light flickered across his face. His fingers worked furiously at the buttons, his expression contorted into a look of unmitigated concentration. Save for the sounds of the game he was so intently focused on, everything else in the room was as silent as death itself. The usual noises of the outside world had died down as well; the hum of passing traffic wasn't present, the birds' songs have ceased, and the voices of passers-by no longer drifted through the open window. The entire world seemed to stop in its tracks, as if everything and everyone had quieted down as they waited for tomorrow, like they all knew what fate was in store for us; as if they all knew what lied ahead, and now they were just waiting…<p>

I already know fully well that my chances of surviving the mission tomorrow are slim to none, but it's not like I can back out now. I've committed myself entirely to this case, and I should be willing to risk even death to solve it; well, at first, I was ready for that, but now I'm not so sure. It was only when I returned to Matt after four long years away from him that I fully realized life _is_ worth living, and finally understood what it felt like to be with someone you hold so close to your heart; what it felt like to have something you want to _protect_. There's nothing stronger than your will to live when you have someone to live for. I didn't want to die yet; I wasn't ready to put my life on the line, and I wasn't willing to risk Matt's, too. But he refused to let me go alone, no matter how much I protested. He knows that he might die – that we _both_ might – and he's still doing it anyway; I was terrified for his life, but at the same time, I was thankful for having such a great friend.

_Friend_…just a friend. What he didn't know was that I'd fallen for him sometime during our days at Wammy's, and those feelings lasted even throughout the four years of no contact; I loved him even now. The only thing that has been stopping me from telling him how I feel is the uncertainty of whether or not he'd accept the fact that I'm a guy. I wouldn't be able to handle it if I told him and he ended up hating me during the last hours of my life. But keeping that a secret over all this time had been the most difficult thing I've ever had to do; especially when I just grow to love him more and more each day. I wanted to tell him, but I didn't want him to hate me.

My heart dropped when I realized that the remainder of my life had fallen under a mere twenty-four hours. Not much longer from now, I will have drifted into an eternal slumber, never to see my love's face again; already, my life was practically over. I would go to sleep soon, wake up, prepare myself and head out to meet my death. If everything goes as planned, Matt should live…_he has to_…if he didn't, it would be entirely my fault for dragging him into this mess in the first place.

But if I still couldn't share my feelings with him, I could at least talk to him and spend some time with him, even if that meant watching him play games until I went to sleep.

Slowly, I pushed myself up off my bed, listening to it squeak in protest, before making my way over to Matt. I saw him shoot a quick glance up at me out the corner of his eye, but then he was looking down at his game again. I let myself fall into the seat beside him, sighing heavily, then leaning forward and resting my forearms against my legs, staring blankly at the ground. Now I couldn't think of anything to say to him, and I was afraid that if I did, my secret would somehow slip out, or I would lose the battle with the lump already forming in my throat as I fought back the tears. I couldn't _cry_. I'd never cried in front of anyone before, especially Matt. He would think I was weak.

I jumped slightly when I heard a click from beside me, turning to see that Matt had shut down and closed his game, setting it on the small table positioned beside the couch. When he remained silent, I looked up at him and realized he'd been staring at me, as if he'd already noticed something was wrong.

"Are you okay, Mells?" he asked, his voice filled with concern. "You haven't been saying much lately. That isn't like you at all…"

My eyes widened slightly, and I quickly turned away from him, averting my gaze to the wall, allowing my hair to fall over my face so he couldn't see the blush creeping onto my cheeks. "I—I'm sorry," I apologized. "I'll be fine."

"_Will_ be?" he questioned. "Then there _is_ something wrong…" his voice trailed off, as if he were taking a moment just to think about it before he said anything. "Uh…are you…worried about tomorrow?"

I wasn't entirely sure how to answer that question. It wasn't so much that I was worried about the mission, because I was confident it was going to work, but not so certain of our survival. More than anything, I was terrified that Matt would be killed because of _me_. What was really bothering me right now was the fact that I was going to die soon without ever having told Matt exactly how I felt about him; I was just scared that it would make him uncomfortable. If these are his last hours as well, I don't want him to live them with any of my burdens on his shoulders. He didn't need that. But there was always that small chance that he feels the same way about me…and as highly unlikely as it was, was I willing to act upon that?

He deserves to know he's loved…

I nodded slightly. "Kind of…" my voice remained quiet. "It's not so much the actual task at hand than it is—uh…I just…don't…" When I couldn't think of what to say, I just shook my head and rested my forehead against the palm of my hand. "I'm sorry," I apologized.

Matt sighed heavily. "You can tell me, you know. I've known you for almost as long as I can remember; I know when something's wrong and if you don't think you can trust me even now, then—"

I shook my head abruptly. "I trust you."

"Then what's wrong?"

Sighing, I carefully wiped my eyes so he wouldn't see the lingering tears. "Do you think we'll survive tomorrow?" I asked him, waiting for his response that didn't come right away. My gaze left the floor and turned to rest on his face, searching for even the slightest signs of apprehension, but found none. Whether that was because he was completely unafraid, or just didn't want to show it, I didn't know.

For the longest time, we both remained silent, my question hovering over us both like a bird of prey ready to swoop in for the kill; both of us knew the answer, but neither one wanted to say it. We felt that if we spoke it aloud, we would only be surrendering to our fate; accepting our early deaths. I wasn't ready to die, and I could see behind the fire burning deep in Matt's eyes; he wasn't prepared for it either. Buried in some hidden depth of his heart, I knew he was just as scared as I was; not even Matt could look death in the face without batting an eye.

Just as I looked away, unable to hold his gaze, I heard him draw in a long breath, holding it in for a moment before releasing it. A prolonged silence followed, as if he were still lost in thought, before his gentle voice, hardly above a whisper, broke through the reticence. "I…really don't know, Mel."

My heart completely shattered then; that hadn't been any better than just coming right out and saying what we both knew the truth of the matter was. The only way I could possibly get out of this was to _quit_. I'm no quitter; I've spent my entire life trying to be number one, and now that I was almost there, I was going to die. I couldn't just drop it, because then I would openly be surrendering to Near, which was one thing I knew I could never do. After all these years, I wasn't just going to throw it all away; sure, I'm going to die, but if I didn't do this, then who would?

"But…" my voice faltered, and I cleared by throat before continuing. "What if we…don't?"

A pause. "Then…that's just what happens. It's not like we can change it; we can only hope that what we did was right."

A solitary tear slipped from my eye and fell down my cheek, dripping inconsolably to the carpeted floor below. "That's…that's just the thing…" I muttered, my voice cracking slightly before I coughed in a weak attempt to cover it up. "I don't know if what I'm doing is right…I don't want to die yet, and I don't want to drag you into it, either. That just isn't fair to you…"

"You know I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't want to. I know the risk here, and I'm okay with it. Really." He shifted, crossing his legs and folding his arms over his chest. "Besides, I need a little excitement. It's not like I have much to lose, anyway."

My breath caught in my throat and my stomach clenched as I heard those last words: _It's not like I have much to lose_. Did I really mean that little to him? Was our friendship hardly even significant in his eyes? That was something I didn't even want to think about; almost unknowingly, I'd devoted everything to him and to our friendship. Unbeknownst to him, he held my heart in the palm of his hand. It meant everything to me; _he_ meant everything to me…and if it was so inconsequential and pointless to him even after all these years, then I wish I'd known that before now.

Still…he must have _something_ he cares about…after all, he's still here, isn't he? What reason would he have to stay here otherwise?

"Are…are you saying that you wouldn't mind dying?" I asked, wiping my eye with my thumb. "Does life mean nothing to you?"

"I—uh…hold on, now. That's not what I meant. It's just…if I do die, it's not like any of my relationships or material possessions are going to matter anymore. At least, not to me." He paused a while, thinking over what he'd said. "Damn it," he muttered. "I'm sorry, none of this is coming out right. I do have people I care about…someone that I—" he cut himself off, then sighed. "I…I do value my life, but there are certain risks I have to take, and this is one of them. Whatever happens, happens. It's not your fault, either. It's mine. I'm choosing to do this."

I swallowed hard, letting those words sink in for a moment. He was speaking the truth; nothing would matter once we're dead, and that was the disheartening reality of it. After being in love with him for so many years, only to have it all go down the drain once I'm gone. I hadn't been ready for this; I'd wanted to live my entire life by his side, as friends or as more than that. Instead, I had finally seen him for the first time in about four years, only to die after spending a mere few weeks with him. I almost didn't want to admit it to myself, that soon we would be gone and our friendship would have no significance to anyone but the two lifeless souls drifting through an endless void. No one would know. It would almost be as if we'd never been here…like we never mattered.

"M-Matt…" I muttered.

"Yeah, Mells?"

I bit my lip. "Do…do you have someone you like?"

He stiffened. "Wha—I, uh…why are you asking?"

"Well, if we're going to die tomorrow, then I figured we could talk about it…since we never have before…" I told him, leaning against the armrest of the couch and keeping my gaze fixed on anything that wasn't Matt.

"I, er…y-yeah…of course I do…"

The tears filled my eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment. _How lucky that person is…_

Matt cleared his throat. "Do you?" he asked.

I jumped slightly, caught off-guard, unsure of how to respond right away. _Yes, it's you_: I had to bite back the words lingering at the tip of my tongue. "Yeah…" I said, my voice hardly above a whisper as I tried in vain to hide the fact that I was crying. "Too bad I can't tell them."

"What do you mean you can't?" he said, his voice filling with curiosity. "Are you nervous or can you not get a hold of them?"

"…that's not it."

"Then why?"

I sighed, slouching further against the couch. "I just can't. They'd think it's weird and probably end up hating me. I don't wanna take any chances."

"Everyone likes to hear they're loved, Mells. It doesn't matter who it is. I think you should just tell them…it'll make you feel a whole lot better, I'm sure."

"It's not as simple as that…" my voice trailed off, and I bit the inside of my cheek, training my eyes on the night sky through the window. "Matt…how would you tell someone you like them?"

"Well…it doesn't benefit either of you if you just beat around the bush…so I'd just come right out and say it, if I were you…"

I swallowed. "What…what would you do?"

There was a long silence that followed, before I felt Matt's hand on my shoulder. "P-probably something like this…" he said, pulling me closer as he used his pointing finger to turn my face towards him.

And then he kissed me; just a feather-like touch of his lips that was hardly there, but still sent my mind reeling. He pulled back quickly, his face a bright shade of crimson as he scanned my eyes for any signs of disapproval. When I said nothing, he closed the short distance between us and gently kissed my bottom lip, our faces drifting apart again only moments after.

Our gazes locked once more, and I carefully rested my hand against the side of his face, immersing myself in this moment; the moment I'd been waiting so many years for. Slowly, he reached up and laid his hand over mine, carefully interlacing our fingers. We stayed just like that for what easily could have been a few minutes, before he leaned forward, gently cupping my face and capturing my lips in another kiss. This time, I pushed forward slightly, kissing him back, my hand falling from his face to rest at the base of his neck.

He sighed into the kiss, his thumbs ghosting over my cheeks, running over the new tears that had fallen, wiping them away. Then he pulled away and looked down at me, still holding my face so close to his that I could feel his warm breath lingering on my chin as he spoke. "You're crying…" he said, only just now realizing it.

"I am not," I replied defiantly.

A small, sympathetic smile graced his features. "Keep telling yourself that," he said, his voice low as he leant forward, pressing his lips gently against my closed eyelid, kissing away the remaining tears. He did the same to the other one, his hands finding my shoulders and carefully pushing me down until I was lying against the couch, my head against the armrest as Matt hovered over me. I couldn't protest.

He grabbed my hands, lying limply at my sides, and intertwined our fingers, bringing them up and pinning them against the couch on either side of my head. "Mello…" he said.

"What?" I muttered in response.

He smiled. "I'm…glad…"

I blinked once, staring up at him. "F-for what?"

"I always knew that I was going to die either with or for you…" he told me, planting a soft kiss on my cheek. "Because then, the thought of death wouldn't be so bad…and tomorrow's my chance."

My expression saddened, and I pressed my chin forward to kiss his jaw. "I don't want you to die…"

"You know damn well that if _you_ do, I'm going down with you."

I turned my head to the side, staring at the wall. "M-me too…" my voice was unsteady. I had hardly known I'd said anything, but I knew I meant it. Our fate was going to be the same no matter what; not even the barrier of life and death could break the allegorical thread that bound our two hearts together. If one of us went, the other was going to follow.

"Then it's settled," he said, stooping to kiss the exposed skin beneath my ear; I squeezed my eyes shut. "We live together or die together."

"M-Matt…w-why are you—"

"I love you, Mello," he abruptly cut me off, and I spun back to look up at him, my eyes wide and filling with tears again. "I always have," he finished.

I bit the inside of my lip, tightening my grip on his hands. "I love you, too." My voice broke at the end.

He smiled, leaning in to kiss me again.

Suddenly, everything seemed to fall into place; I wasn't scared anymore. Matt was going to be there with me every step of the way, regardless of what happens.

That's all that matters.

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><p>Hooray for MxM sappiness! :D Ahaha, anyway, pleeeeease review! :3 On another note, I have an idea for a multi-chapter story involving these two that i'm going to get started as soon as I can ^^ yay! :D<p>

~Akina-chan :3


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